Last night I had one of the most uplifting and vivid dream, I’ve had in a while. It played in my head as I slept like a movie.
I was on my way to a singing competition with my parents but I ditched them along the way, because they were way too overbearing and pushy. When I arrived, there were all these tall gorgeous model framed women and they all wore beautiful maxi dress. Then all of a sudden, so was I, but I felt like mine was too long. We were outdoors in a beautiful open space. Many of the girls sat in a semi circle on the elevated stage, while most stood on the ground. Insecurity kicked in, everything felt wrong. I felt I wasn’t pretty enough, my clothes didn’t fit right and I told myself, that ‘I’m no singer, why am I even here?’… My parents showed up with Oprah- Yes, you read right. My parents were being their overbearing self, telling me how I should sing, where to stand and told me to fix my dress. The negative tape that played in my head got so loud, I could no longer hear their voices. I stood there and searched my smart phone for the lyrics to Whitney Houston’s Greatest Love of All. Leonard Nimoy was the stern judge and announcer. I heard him on the stage calling the girls, and barking orders.
I turned to the three people who were there to support me and told them ‘I can’t do this’. ‘Oprah came forward and hugged me while reassured me that ‘I can’… All of a sudden, Leonard Nimoy called my name. I was surprise because I just got there and I didn’t even got a chance to retrieve the words to the song. I pulled away from Oprah, frantically looked through my phone, I found the song but stood there and hoped he would have moved on to the next person. He pointed to me and screamed. “You’re Shauna! It’s your turn now come on up!” He was annoyed and angry; I was nervous out of my mind. So nervous, my hands were shaking; my mouth dry, and my arm pits were sweaty. I had terrible stage fright but I told myself I would get it over with.
I got on the stage and sat on a chair, cross my ankle and began singing. As I thought, my voice cracked and my notes were way off. I started over, but it didn’t make a difference. The negative tape in my head got loud again. ‘You’re not good enough; you’ll never be good enough.’ was on repeat. A girl who sat next to me said. “So she came here to waste everyone’s time?” Her words woke up something inside me… My voice got louder, stronger and I started singing in key. I stood up, turned and faced her. My voice drowned out all my negative thoughts, along with the words she added, until they were no longer there. All that remained, was joy in my heart. I walked around the stage like a professional and sang from my soul. It felt as if I was floating above the earth. I closed my eyes and tears zigzagged down my face. I didn’t even need the words to the song… It felt as if I was alone. I sang like my life depended on it. I was hitting notes I had no idea I could hit. I surprised myself. I had it in me all along. All I had to do was believe in myself… I hit the last note and held it just as long as Whitney. There was a new tape in my head on repeat. “I WON! I WON! I woke up with a smile on my face. I felt as if I could move mountains.
Sometimes the only person standing in your way is you. In the dream, I had support but it didn’t matter. It was all up to me to make the move. Even though it’s easier said than done, we should never allow the negative tapes in our heads, or people stop us from being the best. God made us all with purpose, love, strength and it’s up to us to go forth and live our dream.
As a child, I use to walk around the house singing this song… Instead of dignity, I sang dinner – tea. Haha!